I woke up at around 4:30 am today to do some writing on the Calatagan case. I have picked up the habit of working early dawn when I had to do double work in the midst of the Sumilao campaign. I scanned the news and wrote a press release release for today. I have already emailed the PR to my mailing list when I noticed the date today – May 5, and I suddenly realized that in 31 days birthday ko na ulit. I just sat staring at my rainlendar staring at the date for a couple of minutes. Joskopo taon-taon na lang ako nagbibirthday hehehe.
I don’t usually celebrate my birthdays, they are just like any other ordinary day (except for a few occasions when friends insist on having a get-together). I guess my birthday next month won’t be any different, gaya ng dati, ordinaryong araw lang ito para sa akin. Pero di ko maikakaila na na may something talaga pag nagkwakwarenta ka na hehehe. Mas napapaisip ka. What have I to show after 40 years?
Di naman siguro natutuwa sa akin mga magulang ko. Lahat ata ng ambisyon nila para sa akin ay sinuway ko. I didn’t even graduate from college, which I guess broke my father’s heart kasi kahit in the middle of his struggle against cancer a couple of years back, lagi nya akong kinukumbinsing ipagpatuloy ang college ko. Gusto nya talaga akong maging abugado. Lord, Dad, kung ganito na nga ako na out-of-youth (walang kokontra!) ano na lang kung may Atty. pa sa simula ng pangalan ko hehehe.
Di rin ako magaling na tatay na ikakatuwa ng anak ko. Madami akong pagkukulang bilang ama sa anak ko. Pilit ko man gawin ang lahat para maipakita ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya, I know that our circumstances make it not only difficult for the both of us but also confusing for him. I wish he would grow up to be a forgiving son.
My life has always been a cycle of impossible dreams and impossible causes. I do not know what exactly made me choose this kind of life but I cannot imagine myself living any other life. Adik ata ako sa sa mga imposibleng mga kaso. Maybe I am addicted to insurmountable odds and heartaches.
i am happy with my life. I may not have the material things nor the academic degrees to show, but I am rich in terms of battle scars and impossible victories (however few they might be).
Thirty-one days to go. Forty-years in the making. Hay buhay, ba’t ba ako napapa-isip 😀
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